So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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