I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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