I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
