I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
