I got chris browned last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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