I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
