But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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