It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have demons in me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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