arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
