If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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