His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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