i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
