You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
