On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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