Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
