Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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