Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
