There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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