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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!

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• (716): View more from New York

  I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.

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• (714): View more from California

  Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with

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