ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
