well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
