I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
