You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
