elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
