ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
