I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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