he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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