Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
