Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The power of my boobs compel you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
