38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
be right there i have to get my cape
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
