i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
