omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Rumble strips road head = magical
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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