who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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