I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Randomize