I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
