I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
