I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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