I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
