Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
