Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
