Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
