i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Vodka?
Forever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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