I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My cat gives me a boner
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
