She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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