finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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