Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
