I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
