this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.