Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.