all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
