I can text with my tongue
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
