Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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