this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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