just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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