I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
how drunk are you?
Several
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
