I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
