it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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