You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
