The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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