As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
