My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
