dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
