Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize