I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
