She's JV to your varsity
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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