My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
