Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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