i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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