im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
